Pro Life Stories From The American Refugees

Raped, Pregnant, & Mentally Ill, I Chose Life Against Doctor’s Advice.

My Story - By Nikki 

 

I am not telling this to be famous or get praise. I am not a hero. I am not a victim looking for sympathy. I am just a woman who was blessed by Christ enough to do the right thing. I am also not a talented writer. But I have some things I have to say. I have been spared the horror of having to live with knowledge that I let my child be killed. My son was spared death. A family has a son. I am telling this story to hopefully impact other women in a similar situation and to let them know the help that is available to them. I also want to let people know how pregnant women are treated by pro-abortion doctors.

I am bi-polar. I must take an antidepressant, a mood stabilizer, and an anti-psychotic every day of my life. I have prayed to Christ for a healing. For the time being He has left me with this Cross. Without medication I become severely mentally ill. I become a danger to myself and others. On medication, I am able to live a productive life and to the best of my ability and with His grace, a Godly one.

Three years ago I was violently raped. Because of my mental illness as well as the fact that I was dating my attacker, I didn’t make the best witness and my attacker was not prosecuted. I was also so traumatized by the event that it took me over a week to report the crime and there was by then, a lack of physical evidence. My attacker claimed we had consensual sex and that I was only accusing him of rape because he dumped me. Shortly after this, I found out I was pregnant. I have never felt so frightened or alone.

The first doctor simply assumed that I would have an abortion and wanted to schedule it. He acted shocked that I would even consider having the child. He literally did his best to talk me into an abortion. When he couldn’t he brought in my psychiatrist.

My psychiatrist explained to me that the medication I was taking would cause severe birth defects. Even if I stopped now, it might already be too late. If I stopped taking the medication he said I would be at risk for suicide or just destroying my life with craziness. And he insisted I would probably miscarry or have a deformed child. Both of these doctors did their best to talk me into abortion.

I was terrified and alone and had no idea where to turn. I felt abandoned by God. Even my “pro-life” mother told me to have an abortion. I am ashamed to admit that I considered abortion. I also considered suicide as well as the homicide of my attacker. I wanted him dead. I hated myself and I wanted to be dead. But for whatever reason I couldn’t bring myself to hate my baby. My baby was innocent.

I got in my car and I drove. I didn’t know where I was going. I ended up 350 miles away, in Memphis Tennessee, in a church parking lot. I didn’t know the church or anyone there. There was a Bible study going on when I walked in. People came to greet me and I started screaming and cursing God and cursing the people there.

The Pastor and his wife brought me to his office and spoke with me. They prayed with me. A few hours later they introduced me to an older couple who took me into their home. They took care of me for a year. I did not make it easy for them. I went off my meds for the pregnancy and between the hormones and the bi-polar I was severely mentally ill and very unpleasant to live with. I literally wrecked their house. I was ungrateful and unlovable. They loved me anyway.

At three months pregnant, I decided I was going to put the child up for adoption. At six months pregnant I changed my mind and decided I wanted to keep my baby. I didn’t blame my baby for who is father was. I loved him and I wanted him. It was going to be us against the world. He was going to fix me. I started to expect things to be great when he was born.

That isn’t how he went. I did give birth to a healthy, normal baby boy. But I couldn’t look at him without seeing my attacker’s face. I was also crazier than I had ever been. I would spend 24 hours in bed in severe depression and then spend the next 24 hours hyper active and hallucinating. I was unable to be a mother to my son. So, I gave him up. I gave him up for adoption when he was one month old.

Some pro-abortion people at this point might ask me if all of this was worth it. Yes. My son is alive. He lives with a family in Tennessee who loves him. There is a great deal of happiness in the world today because he wasn’t killed.  I know I did the right thing and I don’t have to be haunted by the death of an innocent child for the rest of my life. God used this to put some of the kindest people into my life that I have ever known. I know now that Christ was with me on every step of my path, even while I was being raped. Christ knew abandonment, betrayal, torture, and death. He suffered worse than me.

Pro-abortion people tell me that other women should have the same choice available to them that I had. What choice is that? The choice to kill myself? The choice to kill my attacker? The choice to kill my baby? All three choices are about death. Humans do not have that right and government should not pretend that they do. There is no right to choose to kill.

I have forgiven my attacker. That doesn’t mean I trust him or will speak with him. It means I pray for him and I will not kill him or take any other act of revenge. I have asked Christ to save him. Instead of asking God to give him what he deserves, I ask God to give him what he needs.

Please do not condemn women who make the wrong choice and have abortions. They are lied to. They are pressured by doctors and families. They don’t know the love and the help that is out there for them. They don’t know the love of Christ. They need your love. Some live in shame every day while others live in denial and fight for more death. They are broken.

I am not a hero. I am a woman who has been saved by Christ. I am at peace. No matter what else I fail to do in this life, I know that with the grace of Christ I did one thing right. I chose life and accepted the suffering that went with it. If a broken, raped, bi-polar girl can choose life, so can you. Christ will be with you.